Women tell all

It doesn’t get more real than this. We asked the women to tell us what they’ve always wanted their man to know.  Not just the surface issues – the big issues – the things that would really impact lives… forget about hurting anyone’s feelings – just tell it like it is.  Here’s what woman tell…

Women tell all

Romano and I sneak out for a date night quite a bit, so it’s not unusual.  I love my kids to bits and would give my life for them, but believe there is more to life than my kids.  We put our marriage first, so if it means Lucia misses out on Tae-kown-do or Rosa misses out on Guides occasionally, then so be it,  I believe seeing how hubby and I respect each other and resolve issues is the best gift we can give our kids (and I find I’m a much better Mum with the occasional break).  Christie, Canberra.

We’ve had a tough year thus far and my parents had some free accommodation we could use so we jumped at the chance to have a weekend away as just us as we’ve been living with family since November and haven’t had a weekend away without the kids in goodness knows how long! One thing we learnt through all of the tough times we’ve been through is that we need to really work on our marriage every day and put each other first as we’ve seen how it can affect our marriage and in turn our children and family if we don’t do that. Rachel.

Please help me with this because it’s really killing me: Why does my husband sneak around using porn when he has a very willing partner (ie. me)? Is messing around with porn so much better than being with a real person? I don’t get it and it’s making me feel really bad about myself. Anonymous, 26 years old.

‘Recognize when a women is being vulnerable and acknowledge it. Just because we are women doesn’t mean we are automatically able to be or even know how to be vulnerable more so than men do. It’s hard for us too. It takes effort on our part too. It’s scary for us too. So, if you love us and we make an effort to be mentally, physically, spiritually and/or emotionally vulnerable with you then even the smallest acknowledgement of this makes a difference to us. Furthermore, acknowledgement comes in all shapes and sizes too, we understand and love that.
T.C 30 years old ‘ 

‘Not marrying a woman, after having a number of children with her and/or many, many years of being in a relationship together is an insult to her, her friends and her family. It’s simple, step up or be honest and move on. –
J.B. 27 years old’

Baggage is really, really hard to deal with, so I’d recommend that you don’t just go from one relationship to the next because the more you do that, the more baggage you carry.  I’ve got a blended family and I can’t even begin to tell you how hard that’s been and how hard it still is.  The best advice I’d give young men is to really wait for “the one” so you can be just hers on your wedding night and so you can be together without all the ghosts and baggage that my husband and I have to work with, even after all these years.

O.W.F., 38 y.o.

Happy Woman | Woman tell allWhy is marriage important to women??  Most couples I speak to, the guy often says things like “I love her and that should be enough, a wedding isn’t going to change the way we feel about each other or our relationship”, and a lot of that is true, but what it comes down to is this – Getting married is about sharing with the woman you love, your families and friends, that you love each other enough that you are committing to living together for the rest of your lives.  For guys it doesn’t really change much at all, but for girls it is announcing that love and commitment to the world.

It is one thing to have your boyfriend tell you that he loves you in the moment of romance and passion, but it is another thing to have him say that to you through your wedding vows – promising to love you forever, now matter what happens in the hard times in life.  Deep down a lot of us are worried that our boyfriend will run off for a younger/better looking/thinner/taller/smarter girl – and by getting married it builds up the trust that the man you love is off the market and is committed to you.
Isn’t that the ultimate gift a guy can give to the woman he loves??

Louise, 41 y.o., married over 16 years.

“I loved my husband, but I was afraid of disappointing him so I hid.  I gained so much weight.  I refused to share my true feelings.  I didn’t confront him on things that needed it.  It seemed like the perfectly reasonable thing to do.  I developed a way of relating in my marriage that protected me from feeling hurt.  And it almost destroyed my marriage.

S.T.E.

“My husband is selfish.  He sits around doing whatever he wants every night and doesn’t think of me and just watches while I look after the washing up, the kids and the housework.  I deserve better.”

S.S.

“I feel loved by my husband when he takes the time to give me attention. I know that he wants to be with me and invests Woman tell allsome time and energy to make things fun and romantic. It is also important that the children we have feel secure knowing that their parents care for each other.

I love it when he considers my needs when we are out and asks for my opinion. I feel valued and respected when he sympathises with my concerns and allow me to express my feelings without being judged.

I feel the most special when I am greeted with warm hugs and my husband says that he has missed me or that he is glad to see me.

When my husband has taken some time to carefully plan a special outing or a surprise for me, I am delighted and I know that he respects me and wants to be my best friend.

I wish other men would take the time to sit with their wives/partners and listen to them. I wish men would value their wives more than they do work or other pursuits. I wish other couples would spend at least one night a week nurturing their relationship.”

Deborah M (38 years old, teacher)

“Nothing tells me my man loves me more than waking up to his touch each morning. A back tickle, a hand on my hip, or a simple hug even for just 30 seconds lets me know I’m loved. 30 seconds of intimacy, that can be sexual in nature but that doesn’t lead to sex lets me know I am loved and desired by him. Nothing beats this wake up call. And guys would be surprised how much of a turn on this is. It’s sure to double your chances of a little fun before breaky.

Woman tell allAny time from breaky on, I love to receive a text form my man. Especially when I’ve just left the house. A text in the minutes following just to wish me a good day, or tell me I looked great, or that he’s missing me already sets a smile on my face that lasts the whole day long.

And when I get home, nothing beats a good hug. Nothing.

Oh, and a kiss, I mean a good one, French style. It’s funny, I think guys need to watch more movies. Notice how almost every Hollywood flick ends with the dude taking his gal in his arms and giving her a good snog. Hollywood never tires of it and woman never stop fantasizing about it. It makes us feel as though we have our very own hero, a knight in shining armour, and it’s the perfect finale to each days’ epic journey.

I mean what woman doesn’t want to feel like a princess, right?”

Kate O (23 years old, Secretary)

I think it’s very much the little things that count. Taking notice of the foods that you like, the music that you listen to, and being able to predict which movie you would like to see. Building on that, there would be cooking you something you would love (James made me banana bread the other day because he knows I love bananas and you should’ve seen the smile he had on when he brought it in with him – haha so cute), or going to see the movie that you’re dying to see and they would rather die than see.

Fiona, Melbourne.

urban woman - woman tell allOne reason I *feel* love for my husband is that he makes the choice to be loving in his actions. For example, we remain in our ‘discussions’ even when it gets really tough! We both stick it out so the other person feels validated and there is a resolution. If it is IMPOSSIBLE to stay any longer and one person leaves, the other comes after them a few minutes later – always. This demonstrates love and restores the relationship (which we both need when we are feeling hurt/stressed).

A.S. – 24 yrs old.

For me, it’s not about grand gestures. What I love the most is that he knows sometimes that I need him to listen and nod while I come up with a solution to a nagging problem; and when I get upset and angry, rather than fight with me, he hugs me to let me know that I’m safe. I know he’ll be there even if things are boring, stressful or sad, and I’m incredibly lucky to be with someone who will always put our relationship first.

K., 24 years old.

To sum up what my man does to make me feel loved and valued:

  • Is the best listener I know
  • Knows when I’m not ok, even when I say I am.
  • Gives the best hugs (which makes me feel loved and valued every time!)
  • Understands I need space and time to study and doesn’t complain or bother me when I don’t see him for weeks at a time during exams.
  • Will drink white wine with me over dinner (even though he’d prefer a red)
  • Complements my cooking (even though I think it’s a failure)

Lauren.

What my husband does that makes me feel loved…

  • He comes in to say sorry to me first, even when I was in the wrong too. He makes the first move.
  • He gives me lots of physical touch, without needing to lead to the bedroom. E.g. surprise, unannounced hugs from behind make me feel special.

S.L., 32 years old.Woman tell all

What does my husband do to make me feel loved? Nothing.

Dancing was the only thing that kept us together. Mum told me to marry him because he didn’t smoke or drink. I loved building a home together. He was a good provider – we had four kids. He was never home so the kids became my life.

One piece of advice for men would be: be honest and be in communication. Talk things out. When there is a problem my husband doesn’t want to talk about it. He just flares up. Respect plus communication plus honesty equals love.

C.W. 71 years old, 48 years of marriage.

  1. The last words of the elderly vicar to us newly-weds was: “Do not let the sun go down on your anger”…..so true. We have for 99.6% of our nearly 64 years of marriage,stuck to this rule.
  2. Courtesy and love to each other always.
  3. Talking things over….trying to see the other’s point of view and accepting if you don’t.
  4. Have interests and friends outside of marriage and sometimes (if possible) have short spells together away from family. We love them to bits, but it is good to stand back sometimes.
  5. Sharing the loads that come up with family life in all ways…chores, worries and joys. Good luck to all who are involved in this journey…it wasn’t meant to be easy!!

Mrs Hanlon.

I know when he’s lying to me because his eyes go spacey and I’ve seen it before.  But then he just keeps telling more and more ridiculous lies to cover his story and the whole time, I know he’s lying.  It disgusts me that the other guys at work cover for him too.

Katrina, married (for now) with 3 children.

I get angry because he’ll help around the house for like a week and then for the next two weeks it’s like he just doesn’t bother to do anything. I get that he’s been going through a tough time but I mean… come on!

J.M.T., Canberra, together 4 years.