Need1 – Affection

Daily taking the time to express through words and touch that we notice, appreciate and delight in her.

There is a part of her deep down that regularly asks the question ‘does he still delight in me?’, ‘do I still bring him joy?’. These questions weigh on her mind and she looks for the answer to these questions in many ways that as guys we just can’t relate to. Telling her straight out that we love her and delight in her and that she means the world to us makes her day.

This is a daily thing. If she hasn’t experienced your affection today, then she will feel disappointed and rejected. As men, we struggle to relate to this because we tend to assume that yesterday’s (or last week’s) affection still counts for today but that’s not how she sees it.

The affection she’s looking for is the touch, hugs, kisses, kind words that don’t lead to the bedroom. It’s affection for the purpose of connecting and reassuring her that she is still central to your world.

Sometimes men think that it’s pointless or unproductive to say the same sorts of things day after day, but it’s what she’s looking for and it gives her security. A partner who feels secure is a happier, more giving partner.

Of course the other benefit for the man who makes a daily habit of giving plenty of non-sexual affection throughout the day is that when he is keen to take things further, she is more likely to be interested.

Hazards to success

We love her but we sometimes feel a bit weird saying it so we tell ourselves ‘I don’t have to tell her I love her again because I already told her last week/month/decade’.

Most of us haven’t seen our dads and other role models show consistent, genuine affection to their partners on a day-to-day basis. If they did, then maybe they did it quietly.

It’s difficult for many of us to grasp that to her, yesterday’s words/hugs don’t  count today. We tend to underestimate how important affection is to her.

It’s easy to do:

It’s quick and easy to tell her:
• “You look great in that dress.”
• “I love you.”
• “You look so beautiful.”
• “I’m so glad I married you… You’re one of the nicest people I know.”
• “You make me happy”

It may mean more to her than you doing an hour of jobs around the house.

A touch on the arm while walking past her communicates thoughtfulness.

Holding her hand when walking together tells her that you want to be with her, that you are proud of her, and that you have chosen her.

A text home during lunchtime that simply says “I’m thinking of you” lets her know that she matters to you.