Need 4: Affirmation and Reassurance

Daily expressing confidence in who she is and in her abilities.

The self doubt your partner experiences in our culture is really hard for her to cope with. Every day, the media is showing her that she’s not pretty enough, not smart enough, not rich enough, not funny enough… just not enough. As a guy, we deal with similar issues but for our partners it’s ten times harder. This is where it’s our job to step up to affirm her and reassure her.


Affirming her is letting her know that she is successful as a partner and that to you, she is more than enough. She is beautiful, she is smart, she is more than you ever wanted. It is letting her know that she has value, worth and doesn’t need to prove herself to be special to you. When she
experiences the affirmation of her man she feels greater courage and boldness to face the outside world.


Reassuring her means letting her know that you believe she will get through the day/week/year and that things will turn out well. You and I don’t need this reassurance but she does. As guys we have a tendency to run on blind, unfounded optimism when necessary, but our partners tend to need verbal reassurance that everything is on track. She regularly analyses her relationship with you and wonders ‘is everything okay?’, ‘has  something changed?’ and she looks for your regular reassurance that you and her are still okay, so that she can feel secure.

Needs to be daily

We need to do this daily because yesterday’s affirmation and reassurance doesn’t count today. Our affirmation and reassurance is like a gift voucher that has a one day expiry date. Each day, we need to give her a new gift voucher because to her, yesterday’s gift voucher is no
longer current.

Hazards to success

Her need for regular affirmation and encouragement is hard for us to relate to, so we tend to underrate its value to her. As men, we want to be appreciated but her need for regular encouragement is hard to understand.

We tend to fall into a mindset of ‘I already told her that yesterday’, forgetting that she needs it every day.

We are sometimes so caught up in our own world – our job, sports etc that we forget to notice her.

It’s easy to do

“You are a caring mum… I appreciate the way you look after the kids so well.”
“You can make it through today… I know you’ll kick some butt at your meeting.”
“I believe in you… I know you’ll do well”
“We’ll make it through this [event/challenge] like we always do.”
A little note left on the benchtop that says, “I’ll be thinking of you during your big performance and I know you’ll do well.”