Need 2: Conversation

To her it means sharing thoughts and emotions without needing solutions

Wife Touching Husband from BehindOur partners need conversation so they can feel connected to us. To her, conversation means switching off the TV, laying aside other things that can distract us and really engaging with her.

She wants to tell her man about her day and how she felt during it. She wants to hear that we understand how it was for her and that we care how she felt. That’s all she’s looking for. She is likely to feel annoyed if we problem solve or try to suggest better ways of approaching the challenges she faced. All she wants us to do is listen.

Our partners want us to share how our day went and how we felt about it. Most men prefer to tell their partner the events of the day without adding how we felt, but that’s not really what she’s looking for. She is interested in the emotions and feelings we experienced. She wants conversation to be a genuine exchange and a sharing of who we are. She desperately wants us to take the time to be vulnerable with her about the things in life that cause us joy and pain. It communicates to her that we think she is special and that we trust her.

Hazards to success

Getting busy with life and not making the time to just ‘be’ with her prevents us from meeting this need.

When she talks, we tend to automatically give her solutions. She doesn’t want solutions; she just wants to be listened to which can cause both partners to get cranky with each other, killing the conversation.

Screens are a big hazard. We can interact with the computer and the television at the end of a long, tiring work day for less effort and energy than it takes to have real conversation with our loved one.

It’s easy to do
Planning times when you are alone with your partner and able to give her your full attention is an important part of meeting this need. It might be time on the couch, time walking together or time in the car. It’s worth resisting the temptation to just ‘get busy’ surfing the Internet or listening to the radio to deliberately meet this need.